Taking care of your Elderly Parents – 101

 

There are several books, talk shows, and communities on parenting; how to take care of your child, what to do when your nugget has her first baby tooth, what to feed her, and a list of do’s and don’ts and a plethora of advice from fellow daddys and mommys. Our parents took their jobs of bringing us up quite seriously. Little hiccups here and there; however, we did turn up all fine, haven’t we? Now the tables have turned. It is our beloved parents who need care and a little support. And there aren’t many doors we can knock on for help and see if we’re doing it right or not. No one indeed wants their parents to age; we are children in adults’ clothing.  The aspect of taking care of our parents itself is earth-shattering and frightening; not because we’re trying to shrink away from our responsibilities. But, because these are the people who brought us up, under whom we lived; have we capable enough to reciprocate the care, and nursing they have given us? Okay, calm down! We got you, and we are going to walk you through how can you be a caregiver to your parent/s.

Step one - Observe your parents:

As one age, their health starts to deteriorate slowly; and this decline might not be visible all of a sudden since it happens slowly and gradually. To know whether your senior needs any external assistance, just observe him/her. Here, there are two columns to consider;

Activities of Daily Living (ADL)	Instrumental Activities of Daily Living (IADL)
Dressing	Food Preparation, Housekeeping
Ambulating	Using the telephone
Bathing	Managing Medications
Eating	Managing Medications
Transferring	Using Transportation
Toileting	Shopping

 Is your parent able to manage ADL properly? Recognize the shift in patterns of their daily routine. If you’re staying abroad, doing this could be challenging; you can get in touch with your parent more times a day and ask & see how they are doing. If you notice changes; maybe forgetting where things are kept or being distant from the activities they enjoyed or anything that felt peculiar to you, do note it down and go through your list in the end.

Step two – Have the ‘talk’

This ‘talk’ as you assumed could get a little uncomfortable. Nevertheless, you can’t avoid it. Once you have assessed their situation and felt the need that this is the time to step in; involve your parents to take the next step. How pissed off you would be if they decided which college you should be going to without you involved in the decision-making progress? Exactly!! Ultimately, it is their life, and they should get a say in it.

Keep everything open at the table. Are they willing to take your help? You need to be sensitive about their dignity and keep in mind that this breach into their independence bubble may seem offensive to them. Just as we felt when they treated us as ‘babies’ even when we were in our thirties; remember ‘heart is in the right place’ in both scenarios.

The level of discomfort is only going to escalate from here onwards; you need to discuss financial matters too. Have a realistic estimate of the expenses and how equipped you both are to meet the requirements. If there’s any additional aid from the government, banks, or agencies, hold on to it as your backup plan. 

Step Three – Assess your Situation

Where are YOU in your life? Are you healthy enough to take on this load? We all are running and struggling to make our own ends meet. You may be in a position where you need to look after your own spouse, kids and a job also to do. How much can you contribute? Remember that there is no need to feel embarrassed. If you can’t manage or add anything to your already overflowing plate, it is OK.

If you think of moving into your parent’s house to support them (this is practical only if you don’t have a family of your own/ or you could all move in with them) or asking your parent to come and live with you; make arrangements for doing so. A trained professional to assist them in the comfort of home is what you have in your mind, don't hesitate to look for those options.

Step Four – Senior-proof/de-clutter the house

Think of yourself as your old folk. Start walking from one corner of the house to the other end. Is the floor a little slippery? Check for obstacles or anything that could cause a trip or a fall. Bathrooms are the most fall-hazardous area, so take an extra look there. You could add no-slip strips, replace the toilet with a raised one, and even add a telephone to call for help when it comes to. If the house is two-storied, it is advised to move downstairs to avoid stairs. Make sure that the home is well lit and useless/necessary furniture only if possible.

If you’re someone staying abroad, assign a family member or neighbor as an emergency contact in case there comes an emergency (God, forbid). Put that individual’s name on speed dial on your parent’s mobile so that it’d be easy to give them a call. If your loved one has dementia/Alzheimer’s you could also plan on asking them to wear a medical alert device.

Step Five – Share the load

Ever heard the saying ‘it takes a village to take care of a child’? The same goes here too. Always have some people you can turn to for help. It could be a friend, family member, or even a neighbor. Contrary to what society taught us, there’s nothing to be ashamed of when asking for help. We are social animals. We evolved into what we are today because we were there for each other; we took care of the sick and stayed home to nurse them.

Join a community or a platform and learn the basics of caregiving activities. Make a support group of your own to clarify questions. You could also look for an elderly community for your parent, where he can make friends and have peers to spend his time with; loneliness is often prevalent in senior people, with this you can keep him happy.

Step Six – Don’t Burn out!

Burn-outs in caregivers are common these days. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. While running and doing things for your folks don’t forget to take a look at your own state. Take some days off; relax a little. You are doing everything you can for them, but don’t forget to look after yourself.

Was it a pretty long list? Still, confused about how to embark on this endeavor? If you need a shoulder to lean on, or a hand to hold on to, we are there for you. Here at Happymindz, we are devoted to being a support network for seniors and primary caregivers. Our excellent care partners are trained to deliver the best caregiving services that keep your senior healthy, happy and safe. For any queries ring us up, we’d be more than happy to be of assistance.

                                                                                  ~ Written by Jilsna Jyothibasu